I'M TIRED....

Sometimes I wish I was born back in the day, back in the day when men took care of the family financially and were physically there and women took care of the home. I get so tired of getting up for work at 4am to drive across the city to get to my business in which doesn't truly fulfill my desires any longer. I have fantasies of being the wife that has to get up a bit early to make my family breakfast and wake my man up with a BJ to send him off on his day to work. I would hide little notes in his jacket pockets that said, "I miss you." and another in his pants pocket with a little tease to make his thoughts eager to come home. I want to make him dinner and put the kids to sleep early so we can have "us" time. I want to feel my days with organizing dinner parties with his co-workers wives and scheduling play dates for the children. I want to be able to think of ways to make my man happy so I nor he would get bored. I want a second honeymoon in Venice Italy in Spring. I'm gazing into his eyes and I tell him we are pregnant again and he smiles back at me, then embrace me holding my belly saying, "I hope its a girl. My little beautiful princess." he then kisses me and tells me he adores me. I know this sounds unrealistic but I know these thoughts have to come from somewhere, may it be a dream or my own reality, it IS.

I have to admit, when I would visit my mum here in the states I would feel bad for her because she was always working, cooking, cleaning, taking care of her husband and eight children. Her husband worked but with eight children and Los Angeles being as expensive as it is, even then, having a family may it be big or small, was a constant struggle. With the world changing they both needed to work but she seemed to be doing twice the work. One at her job in which I know she put in 110% and at home where she put in about 20%. She could never truly be the best mum I knew she could be with being as tired as she always was. I have this in depth respect for us woman who go to work every morning and then have to go home and continue to work. But what if things where how they use to be, women were able to be taken care of so we could be home when the children got home from school and we were able to have dinner ready for our husbands when he got home? Do you think men wouldn't be as stressed and children would be a lot happier and grow up to be better human beings? Not just successful but better nurturing human beings?

Don't get me wrong ladies, I'm all about the "Independent woman" I like having my rights and being able to vote and I thank the ladies who fought for us to get here, but DAMN I sometimes wish my only worry in life was "What am I going to cook for dinner?" instead of "If we don't get orders in I will have to lay off some people. What about the families who rely on me?" or "Is this guy serious? Does he think I got this far falling for lies like this?"
I don't mean to sound as if I'm complaining about my life because my life is great or shall I say its not as bad as others. Fortunately my business is and will survive this "economical crisis" but sometimes I get so tired of being alone in a world where I'm surrounded by people. Does that make sense?

What happened to our men? They had to raise themselves because the women were too busy at work trying to feed them and make sure they had the nice cloths. And I'm not pointing the fingers at the mothers nor the fathers because even though I believe children need both parents I also believe, if they have only one, that one parent, with the time and patience will be able to nurture a healthy compassionate person. There are a lot of men and women doing this now but there are also many who believe they are doing it but are not. My mother believed she was giving us so much attention she can't understand why her son's are the way they are, Boys. They refused to grow up because they didn't know how. There was no guidance and no role model from her nor her husband to show them the way. They tried to do the best with what they knew. Now she has four men ranging from the age of 20 to 27, 20, 27 with their wives and with at least one child each, living in her house. As weird as this may sound I truly believe they are there still waiting to be raised. But what if this was back in the day? What if my mother was able to stay home and be what she strives to be, a Mother?

I'm tired but there is no going back is there? We have to take what life has given us and make the best with what we have, right? Maybe one day my fantasy will come to fruition. I will keep you posted.