SO ITS OVER....

I am moving on. Now and last night from what you've expressed how I make you feel, I have no choice but to let you go. This is for both of our good. You need to be free and I need to just be. Ten years of my life has past holding on to the hope of us but there was never an us. There was never half of you or half of me to make we. There has always been pain and me helping you through it, being your emotions..but now I have my own and you can't handle it. Dre, no matter what you say or how you try to point the finger at me YOU are the one who ruined us. YOU. We could get through me flirting and we could get through my attitudes but we could never get through what you've done to us, our relationship, and our friendship. There is no justifiable reason for you to do what you did. You have hurt me many times and I didn't go out and fuck anyone and get pregnant. There is no way you can even compare what you did to me to ANY pain I have caused you. Sorry but there isn't. My biggest mistake is staying. I should have left a long time ago but my love for you wouldn't let me. Even when you told me you didn't like me I still stayed. But this is it! Saying I stop you from doing what you want to do, like going to see that thing, I won't stand. Its like you're trying to beat me and manipulate me so I could feel bad enough to encourage you to go and bring this thing into our lives and I'm not having it. So, yes you are your father and I am like your mother. I choose not to stay around while you do what you do. Go and be with her and your baby. These babies are mine and we don't need you. I hate you for what you did to us. I hate you for what you've become and who you've become. I hate you for not being a man and moving forward. I hate you for making me fall in love with who you were. STAY OUT OF MY LIFE AND LEAVE ME ALONE! I can't do this anymore. I don't want to love you. LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO ME! You can't even admit that nothing I have ever did could ever amount to what you have done to us. I can't even appreciate being pregnant with our children because all I could think of is how you already have a child. AND YES I HAVE A CHILD BUT YOU HAVE ONE WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND BROUGHT THIS ONE TO OUR RELATIONSHIP! I don't have a choice Dre. You didn't give me the choice. But I give myself the choice and I say FUCK NO! Yeah, you don't see it and her but you want to. I know you do. Because you say, because I don't want you to you don't, meaning you want to. So, GO!. BUT I PROMISE YOU THIS, YOU WILL NEVER EVER SEE MY BABIES! So you better go and try and be with her and be in that ones life. You say you don't try to control me. You have. You have manipulated me in believing that my flirting is equal to what you've done and I've stayed. You have controlled me by making me feel bad for you every time you go into a self pity party...But Dre, Fuck you. I don't want to go to your pity parties anymore. I don't want to be your rock. I'm set to fine my own rock and the love who will be my support and I can be his. Just leave me be. I've never felt so strong about this...so its over.

I was going through my emails this morning and thought it would make me feel better to share my break up email with all of you. Excuse the language as it was coming straight from the heart. Its been almost two years now since this was written. I'm still single and dating. I think I have found a good guy but this time I'm taking it pretty slow. Its funny how when you get older, while your biological clock is ticking we choose to be wise and not rush into to things as opposed to when we were younger and immature we rushed into relationships head and heart first. You would think it would be the other way around.

I have a vengeful nature about me. And I'm glad I grew out of it because I'm sure I would have thought of something terrible to do to this man.
My Da use to say, "The greatest revenge, is success." So, I guess I did get my revenge in a way, I'm happy and successful.