So tonight I'm watching the second show centered around plus sized people, it's called More to Love, a man is choosing a wife from 20 plus sized women. Cool, I'm not mad at it. Then I thought about the other 'bachelor' type shows. And thought about the faces on those shows... and you know what, this show formula is lacking color big time.
Actually, I take that back, because if you turn to VH1 you'll find a buffet of women of color acting like absolute fools, usually for a C list celebrity who would never marry them.
So where is the black bachelor? It's way beyond time. Would it be too controversial? Are there not any great eligible black bachelors that date women? Is the consensus America would not want to watch an african american dating show? I'm confused.
In our lives we may have encountered stereotypes and obstacles, but beyond these circumstances, what has been the source of strength for us? I remember someone told me that our history was not just about oppression but also about resistance and creativity. We have soul and progress running through our veins. Often we hear that it is church, our mothers, and loved ones, but deep down what do we mean by this. Also is there something more occurring when we become the confident accepting women we are in life. I believe in God, but sometimes I think we may use Religion and Churches as a way to escape our problems rather than using it to empower us? So beyond the stereotypical sources of strength is there more working to sustain us and give birth to so many awesome black women. Yes, nothing is perfect, but I have to admit, when I look at my friends I am impressed. I see how we make rocks into diamonds. Just look around, you probably see these diamonds working and shining.
So how did you become the Diamond you are? What are the strengths?
Okay, so when watching BlackNAmerica, one segment was about an upscale ball in the mid atlantic region of the US. While I was watching this show, I noticed how uppity this Black Psychiatrist was acting. I said to myself, with some many issues affecting the mental health of individuals in the black community, we sure as heck did not need a uppity psychiatrist to address these issues. Then again, does she even have a responsibility to do so? But my mind became to wonder.... the issues affecting upper class in the BlackNAmerica series was the surprise that money did not equate with acceptance from mainstream society. So the question is, with the Henry Louis Gates Incident, was this also a class issue. In other words, when pookie and them are riding the train in Oakland and get shot, we may not react the same way. I mean pookie should have put his hand up, but Henry Louis Gates Jr, a harvaaaaaaard Professor has different expectations. After the incident Henry Louis Gates Jr. mentioned that if this situation could happened to him, what about the " other folks " in America.
P.S. One more thing, Henry Louis Gates Jr. was married to a white woman and divorced her, to marry another white woman. Just some little F.Y.I., poor President Obama caught up in this mess all last week, mmm, now that I think about it, if he was going to be " The BlackBerry Obama", I wish he would have used his get out an act "black card" another time, because he probably can only do this once!
Here is my vent. I have been looking around and noticing our stereotypical roles. The black woman creates the problems in our community. The black man is the result of the problem. For example, black women get themselves pregnant and the black man as a result is trapped. Another example, black women are unable to raise children, so our communities are suffering because of single black mothers. This is why black men are in jail.The black woman is expected to do so much more than a black man. I am wondering our the roles reversed here. The black woman has to set the table the black man can choose to eat on. He can chose to marry us, remain married to us, or leave us for a white/asian/latina woman. In the world he deals with racism, but he still can be seen as some sexual god that all woman want. If he is successful, great, he now is a successful black man, he is still a threat, but a successful black woman will deal in a comparable position will deal with much more period. He might be seen as an animal to the media at times, but deep down there is some freaky fascination with him, that at times he can use to his advantage, like or not. He can carve a place for himself in white America as the super smart guy, the diddy mogul or the great sports player.Whereas the black woman, even to our own families and communities remains a silenced target. Black men openly talk about how horrible we are to other races. Black men in high profile positions are not really married to black women. I have also had so many women tell me ( non-black women), why black men do not want to be with us. Can you believe that, other groups tell me why I do not have a man, lol, okay back to the topic though, so as much a we want to support the black man, have we as black women done enough? we have held up so much during slavery? we were there f0r him after slavery until civil rights? Maybe we need to ween him off our breast, because we are killing ourselves trying to feed this BLACK PRECIOUS BABY.When will we stop being the target and most of all maybe it is time for the black man to start protecting us like he is suppose to? To be a black woman in America is like a target, like or not, this is how it is, and it is time that we start within our community to demand respect. A couple years back, a group of ladies at Spelman College protested Nelly for showing black women in a sexist and oversexualized manner. At the time, I kind of blew it off, I said to myself that "those ladies" wanted to look like that so this is not my problem. However, now that I am older, I see the power of images.Yes, we can't control everything in the media, it is a free country, but maybe like those Spelman girls, it is time for us to openly point out people who try to defame us, disrespect us, and tell society who we are whenever possible. Jewish people do it all the time, you say something about Jews in the media and your but is theirs. I kind of like that mentality. We need that mentality too, all of us beautiful black women need to graciously say, " he this is not us, no thanks" and do this with a smile and like the queens we are. In this wanna be, but not really post racial America, we have to keep pressuring our own men to stop the BS and lift up our black men that are supporting us. I told a coworker one day how hard it is for a black woman to find a black man, guess what she told me, she said back in the day, black women were not having that and black men were put in their place. However,now a black man can always run away into the wonderful arms of mainstream post civil rights America that will say, it was okay to treat that black woman like shit, she was nothing anyways. Even our own families will not pressure a black man to raise up. Black women are held 100%, not 50 % for broken families and relationships, and at times the black man gets off scotch free. In other words, society will note the lack of black men in our community, but the REASON will be because of that BLACK WOMAN. The black women that was so "loud" and "angry". We need to have our own community detox of the BS when it comes to our treatment. I have a feeling so many black women are thinking, what can I do better? Honey, most of us have done enough, we really have...Now it is time to put the mirror back onto society, and say hey, you be the target now. ....sorry I had to put the black man in the ringer for a second, so if any fellas reading this, I am not attacking the black man, I am attacking the roles that exist, I want to be honest on this blog so if anyone disagrees please put your reply in. We need to make sense of some serious issues here, so the feedback will only shed more light. I am curious to see what you all think. Is the Black Man our Precious Baby that we feed day to day? Or better yet, society makes us accountable for his mess. This action only further takes away him manhood, and our womanhood.
“At the bottom of education, at the bottom of politics, even at the bottom of religion, there must be for our race economic independence.” - Booker T. Washington
Recent events this week made me revisit our man Booker T. Washington. Some ideas he discussed decades ago are becoming more clearer to me today. When I look at shows such as BlackNAmerica, I see people that economic independence is the best thing. Higher education always seems like the high road we should take her in America. We want to prove our intellect to the USA. At the same time, maybe we need to expand the simple things we can do as African Americans, and as women. By doing these simple things, and supporting each other while we create our own community independence may be a better investment than sending a black kid to Harvard. At the end of the day, that black kid will fight to gain access at that fortune 500 company, or Law Firm, or Production Company etc., maybe we are wrong with our approach in America. We need to go back to self sufficiency. Our freedom is not just about sitting at the front of the bus, but the ability to realize our dreams, and also to realize our dreams without killing ourselves in the process because of stress. So maybe, we need to look at our history of resistance, what did blacks do before the civil rights to survive and support each other. The incidents of the President being forced to apologize for suggesting racial profiling exists is opening my eyes. Even more Sonya Sotomayor has had to denounce her Latina heritage. These examples show us that America may not accept us 100%. On another note, are there two extremes in black empowerment where many blacks in higher education go on to assimilate into white culture, seeking some type of approval by main stream america ( wanting to break down barriers) and the other side is on welfare, struggling and getting by ? If so, then I think we need to expand the group that is in the middle, we need to work with other Americans but sustain our independence. So many other ethinic groups do this, but why cant we?After the civil rights, ther were people such as J Edgar Hoover that intefered with our progress. African aMeriacns have naturally resisted and progressed, but now the line is lost and we are losing our identiy in 2009. We have always had great talent in the words of Spike Lee, and he is right we need more control over this talent.Furthermore, there has been recent incidents that are now questioning affirmative action? We African Americans may have to create a stronger safety net for ourselves in society. So once again, at the base of these disparities in our community, where do you see economic independence as part of the solution?
Friday, July 24, 2009
Okay, I've tried to stay away from this one, even making jokes about the situation, but being a woman it's unavoidable to discuss. The Chris Brown apology, nicely scripted and he's speaking very clearly, but as the daughter of an abused parent I'll never support him again. Everyone has their opinions, and this is most definitley mine. He's in the public eye and rather he likes it or not, he's an example. The results of his 'rage' were astounding and something a hedious person would do, I mean biting? What grown as person bites in a fight? Thats seeing red, no holds bar, I want to make sure you suffer for the rest of your life rage. I hope he gets the help he needs, because theres a very, very, very, very high chance he'll do it again... no matter how he says sorry. If you've ever seen an abusive man, than you know.
Alright, I remember I saw my first Tyler Perry play somewhere in the midwest 2004. I was a junior in college, and I loved the show. It was summer time. When I first saw the show, I was impressed by his talent. I was so able to relate to many of these characters in his play. I laughed and I also cried at the same time while eating some good you know what barbecue. Anyways, we have seen this successful man grow. This new growth has also widened his audience. So many of the jokes that were between us black folks is now open to the public. So does Mr. Tyler have to change his Madea now because it is in front of our cousins. Or was it bad from the start? Even more, are we not able to laugh at our own " cultural humor". When do we cross the line. In comparison to other black directors( Let's leave Spike Lee out with this comparison, he is in another plane when it comes to style and focus) , is Perry all that bad, or are we riding him a little to rough? At the same time, what does Madea mean to us? Is his success at the expense of the black woman?
The debate on this is getting heated. I'm the first to back up my brothers when it comes to the boys in blue. But I'm thinking this may have been a case of the race card being licked and stuck to a person's forehead. When I get pulled over, and I get pulled over alot because I have a led foot, I have learned not to say one damn word to any officer, all I think is I'll see you in court, because 90% of those (I wanna use so many words I really don't like cops, no matter their race, but I digress)cops are one word away from pulling a trigger. They are overinflated and can't wait for a confrontation. So I think Mr. Gates calling the man a racist was indeed a mistake because all he did was give that man fuel. Let the stupid cop do what he do and know that you're a prominent Harvard professor and this man will indeed pay. I don't know, what do you think?
So, our weight has been issue, I will not pretend, for many women of color this is a HUGE problem. However, we have to realize that we are not white women. We have different bodies. If American society is expecting us to be like Kate Moss, she can keep waiting ( notice I said she). Anyways, I do understand that many women of color also face different stresses, some us may also be more likely to be working twice as hard so we are unable to go to the gym every damn day. Bottom line, yes soul food will make you fat, and we need to walk more, but EVERYONE IN AMERICA needs to stay healthy. When looking at our new surgeon general, I see a regular size woman, yeah she is not slim and trim like a model, but I do not think she is OBESE! Notice how the author said " FAT BLACK WOMAN". Also, notice how the author looks himself. Anyone want to send some complaint letters? Furthermore, statements such as this should be condsidered slander. Even more, if we want to talk about ethics, a curvy black woman is not the problem. The real problem are all the damn doctors who do not want to serve people her shade! Thank you very much.
When BEYONCE came out with this song I did not really think nothing of it. But it all makes sense when you listen to it. It seems no matter how much a woman can put into a relationship or how much she tries. She still has "me, my and i". Why is this not good enough for woman at my age in their 20's? How come we want to get in a serious relationship so young? I've thought long and hard but really there was not much to think about it's simple. I am single simply because I need to focus on me. I figure You'll never loose men chasing after money but you will loose money chasing after men. Although I've had different guys my age tell me ... don't you get lonely being by yourself? My answer is no to them because I feel a lot of men my age are too immature and they become a distraction for me in my life. But on the flip side of sometimes I will get lonely but is it worth all the drama at the age I am at right now? Especially when marriage is out of the question in the relationship... no it's not worth the drama and it's not worth my time. I try not to be negative about relationships. Because I know that one day there is going to be someone out there for me. Who has everything together with themselves and never really has to find a way to empty out my pockets. Therefore right now as of this month and maybe this year it just might be "Me, Myself and I".
Confession#11 When I'm single, I want my friends to be single.
Why? Because misery loves company. If you've done this (and most of you have) your girl complains about the man, and instead of encouraging the relationship, you point out the many faults, than congratulations you're a woman. It's not a terrible thing, it is to the person you're giving wayward advice to, but it's just simply human nature. If this person is truly your friend, take a deep breath and hope to keep them on a path to being truly happy with the one they love (if its a healthy relationship, and you know the difference). Even if it means being a bridesmaid for the fifth time. Don't worry your day will come.
Sigh, another viewing of Black in America. I'm not sure about you, but I felt the first one didn't really give a... how shall I say it... resolution. It was more like other races could gather around their television and watch the discovery channel on a race of people. I guess its because I don't like problems or issues being pointed out with no solution. Perhaps if they do an Asian in America, or an Indian in America I will be satisfied knowing someone is looking at ALL races and not just one. We'll never be able to look beyond the black white relationship with the media embedding it into our minds. I think as an American from other backgrounds I would be offended that Americans don't think I'm important enough to get a series on CNN. But I get it, in the first installment I walked away with, the black woman is doing well, dating outside her race, going to college and not holding on to the promise of having a black family, and the black male might as well be six feet under the ground. I don't know about you, but thats what I got watching the father in jail talk about the kids he know he has but doesn't support. Sigh, I'll watch in a few day and form another opinion on this circus CNN is creating, especially now that our president is black.
"Usually, when people talk about the "strength " of black women they are referring to the way in which they perceive black women coping with oppression. They ignore the reality that to be strong in the face of oppression is not the same as overcoming oppression, that endurance is not to be confused with transformation " - Bell Hooks
I think it is awesome to have our President visit a former slave holding. For a while, some African Americans were wondering if our President was black enough for us. Well, from the beginning, I think he has done a great job of supporting change. We can now fly to Cuba and troops are slowly leaving Iraq. Now, Washington is not perfect, there is so much that has to be done to fix our this recession. However, our President still makes time to take his daughters for some ice cream. He is a man of priorities! So tomorrow, I will be watching as a our President makes his tour to a place where my ancestors departed to come here as slaves. Yes, his dad is Kenyan, but to me, brown is brown everywhere, he is from the continent, like my ancestors are from the continent. I hope one day myseld I can make a visit to a country in Africa, if possible, with some good research maybe I can at least know the area where my ancestors came from. These thoughts ran throug my mind as I watched CNN, I loved how Anderson Cooper spoke about this significance. I think it is a great moment to see how far we have come as people. 500 years of free labor, and still today we face discrimination in areas still, BUT our PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES , a black man will be coming to the continent tomorrow, not to mention his beautiful smart wife, a descenent of slaves like myself. But, we are more than just descendents of slaves, so the trip is not just about the oppression, I think it is also a victory moment, a tribute to how strong we are as people, and most of all the strength of the black woman that made us survive all our time here in America..this reminds me why I am valuable.... I am so exited to see the girls too, especially when they came off the plane.... but most of all, we still have to really be inspired to do for ourselves, this President is only one man... I do hope these younger kids see how nice it is to have this image in our minds, and most of all it can inspire children of color to keep rising above ...
Ok, now I am so not the expert on this because I have never been married before. However, I am at that age where I am taking some better applications now. I notice though that some people that I knew once, became married and kind of morphed into fred and wilmaflinstone, or Lucy and Ricky, Ike and Tina, I mean whatever you call it, something happens where I wonder, hey what happened to those folks. Most of all, I become the evil SINGLE person, the person who is so low down, that I do not have a ring on my finger. You better watch out because I will come like a thief in the night to steal all your men!!! HAHAHAHA, I am the single woman. Now, if you go to a dinner party, do not be the only single woman there, better yet WTF do married folks talk about, it is some boring you know what. Sometimes I feel like some married people all share the same talking points, like they are all from the same political campaign! Even more, married folks begin to compare houses, vacations, kids student achievement , jeez louis I am almost scared to step into the world, but maybe I am being ignorant. Now single people, well I am not that either.....single people in Los Angeles most of the time want single sex, break your heart, use you, and then laugh about that shit at a bar ! even more in the single world, we always have to say " hey this is not serious", or " we are just gettign to know each other, but I am not looking for anything special", or are the single people really just rejects? and are the married people rejects who found each other ??? lol lol wow! I feel trapped, neither interested in keep up with the jones, nor being a fisher woman ready to catch in every man I see....anyhow does anyone see this drastic dichotomy? if you do not let me know, what do you think ??? I think if anything what I am trying to say here is that our fast pace world may have destroyed meaningful relationships? or is this just LOS ANGELES? what do you think? maybe the city of Los Angeles is too big!
So, I have always noticed my habit of trying to be a fixer of everything. I try to fix many things that are outside of my control. I now realize I am not responsible for what is not in my control. I see the power in goodbyes as well. I think life is like a closet that is constantly empties out sometimes and refills. I can hold what works for me, and I can let go of what is not working out for me. I think many women try so often to be fixers. I think society as a large still has a lot to do with this kind of thought process. I valued myself based on others approval. Now I know our contentment is tied to those we love, but guess what, it should not be tied to folks who do not care for us. I mean care, like, love etc... the main point is that if folks who could give a rats ass about you are irrelevent, it is not your job to fix that problem. Even more so, I see how each day does have meaning and purpose. Some days we just chill as well, and hey this is cool too! but why waste time doing anything that brings you down or takes UP SPACE. I had a lot of mental space to release this year. This space was associates, friends, and even some family. Does this mean I do not give a crap about anyone but myself? No, it does not. I value community service, social justice, God ...blah blah blah...but as a black woman, a woman, mother, and just HUMAN BEING, I deserve my safe space, where I can go to when I come home from work, or when I am tired, or just because... I deserve this space in my mind, body, soul actions, and in my personal relationships, even more statistically women of color have many chronic disease as a result of this baggage that is sometimes , and most of the time not ours faults.....and I am finding that clearing out nothingness gives me time to fill my life with purpose, not just when it comes to work, and my family, but my mind and soul, even if it is just to relax, I focus my energy on this more, I stay away from family, associates or eligible single men who want to make me feel this nothingness, or go out of their way to oppress my hope and energy in a sneaky way...... so sometimes, these goodbyes, can open up our lives to a more lasting hello each day...
I said this about six years ago to my college roommate and she cracked up. It's totally true though, and I've watched the gap between ho's and whores widen over the years. They say prostitution is the oldest profession, I thought that would be basket making, but anyway in my nice new apartment, which I love enough to decorate, I've discovered a dirty little secret. Right outside my window is a prostitution ring. Wow, I said to myself at 3 in the morning. I sat in my window watching the girls work. And boy were they busy. It was like a prostitute drive through, the men loved these whores. I couldn't see them one hundred percent clearly, but I could tell one was black and I believe the other was Hispanic (it's the valley in LA so she probably was) I sat there, watching the trucks roll up and pick up a girl (oddly enough 90 percent of their jons drove pickup trucks) Within the two hours that I sat fascinated, these women had to have satisfied 10 customers between the two. That's busy! I don't want to do it more than twice in a night with one man, let alone 5! I listened to the loud clacking of their stiletto heels and while watching I came up with a joke "What's the only difference in clothing when it comes to a prostitute and a girl going to a club... a prostitute has enough sense to wear a coat when it's cold!" If you laugh you laugh, I think it's funny. ( I crack myself up, btw) Anyway, after making up that joke, I decided not to call the cops on these women. Why? Because I realized those women out there actually have an advantage over the chicks I watch in the clubs. And yes, I used to be one of them, short skirt, heels, I love my boobs so I'd show those off, still do. If you go to the club, take a look around. The girls are naked, bending over, basically doing it to everyman that comes over and taps them on the ass. In the clubs I've seen it all, and yet it still amazes me. I remember going to my first dance in 10th grade, thinking I was going to dance and being shocked by all the grinding. So after the club the fellas pick a half naked chick to go home with and screw... and what does she get? Sometimes not even a drink. WTF is going on ladies. I think it was Chris Rock that said women are driving down the price of pussy. If pussy was a stock it would've plummeted. It's so true. And it's mostly these young girls, dressing in things I can't even consider clothing, giving it away for free. I just want to take everyone I see and shake them. Stop it ho! Just stop it. And if you go to the club and don't notice the little ho's then ummmmm, it might just be you bending over to the front touching your toes for free, when a stripper gets twenty bucks for that. No no, you're saying SBF, you're telling the young girls to become strippers and whores? No, I'm telling them to leave it up to the professionals.
Summer is the best time of the year (in my opinion) and theres no better time for dating, the weather's perfect, the days are bright and spirits are lifted.
If you're single, I recommend going out as much as possible. And if you go out an you can't understand why you cant get a date here are a few tips.
Be open! Summer is a time for new beginnings. Relaxation and vacations, so anyone who's uptight should simply let themselves go. Do something you wouldn't normally do, buy a man a drink, flirt your ass off! Go for it, it's time for summer love. No uptight sistas here.
Take advantage of "Me Me Me" Great weather is a perfect excuse for self improvement. Grab the girls and powerwalk through the park, if you live in a beach city, find a yoga group and watch the sunrise on the beach while getting in touch with your inner self. If you've been making excuses about getting in shape during the winter, there aren't any more in the summer! When we take care of ourselves and feel good about our selves, other people can feel it. You stand up straighter, you're skin is brighter, your smile is more radiant, and nobody notices it more then men.
Move it! If your out and about, with your best 'get em' outfit on, make sure to let the inner flirt loose. Dance freely, even if it's someone you arent making eyes at. Afterall it's just dancing, and if that guy you thought you saw eying you across the room sees you with someone he feels he's better than, he'll feel more confident when approaching you that he won't get shut down. Noone wants to dance with the prune in the corner with her harms folded, shake a tail feather!
Initiate, initiate, initiate. I can't stress enough the importance of having a little too much confidence. African American woman can be a pretty tough shell to crack (I'll admit sometimes when I'm out I really don't want to be bothered and I'll gladly show it) But knowing we are tough to approach, we have a good advantage. A woman making moves can be extremely sexy to a man. I've always said if you want something you can have it, and if you really want to date you can... initiate, be open, flirt, smile, start the conversation and make him beg for it to never end.
Be unconventional, it's a numbers game. If you only date rappers, date a factory worker, if you only date doctors, give that UPS man a chance, if he's not 6'2" so what! Sometimes we can limit our chances for love by limiting the men we look at. On average if you're dating and hoping to find that special someone you should be going out atleast once a week, but I know some women who date once every six months and wonder why they're alone. Men view dating as a numbers game, so should we. Go out every chance you get, play the field, and take every date as a step towards finding the man of your dreams.
Oh those blue eyes! I know I know, you only date brotha's, but hey if you open your world to other races, your summer might be full of alot more love. Take a leap and say yes to that blue eyed brother that thinks you look like an exotic queen. Have fun and you'll never know where you'll find yourself in the winter months!
Go where the men are! I've noticed something when I go out, theres alot of damn estrogen! It used to make me sick to get all dolled up and stand in line with a bunch of women to get into a club with a bunch of women on the dance floor. Change your going out routine, go to afterwork happy hours, frequent a sports bar. Make a point to have friends with friends, house parties and gatherings are a better way to meet men than a bar.
WWW...... If you havent started online dating, I highly encourage it. Statistically when a woman marries it's to someone she knew in highschool or college. If you're beyond that and noone from the past is knocking at your door, than it's time to take new approaches. Online dating has been a godsend for the professional woman. Filtering and research is done for you. Its a convenient way to get past the cattle call. Other events to look out for, singles gatherings and speed dating. If you haven't tried any of these things, honey you don't really want a man.
Have fun. This is your world and anyman is trying to get a ticket in. Remember you are a prize, a beautiful reward for a man being a man. Dating is all about having fun, even if it doesn't work out with you and a guy, no worries you have another date next week!
Rekindle If you're in a relationship or have one thats fairly new, take the time to rekindle some feelings. Do something new, surprise him. I'll randomly tell my BF I want to walk on the beach at night. Find a festival to suggest to him, make a picnic lunch and hike with him, take a trip 2 hours away from your home and stay in a hotel, Anything to get out of the house and out of a potential rut!
I'm back from a much needed vacation, sometimes I write so much my fingers stop functioning in protest. I've got some stories to tell.
A close friend is down about her current dating situation. Let me rewind to a few months back, her and I were on the same page, our fellas had stopped contacting us. Mine after one year of dating disappeared for a whole week. My solution to her was for us to drink the strongest drink we can find and flirt until we can't flirt no more. Fast forward, my fella and I worked out his little communication issue and I got to hear her story.
After months of dating, hand holding in public, late night lovin and eggs in the morning, and whispering I love you into her ear, he disappeared. She chopped it up to his demanding work, told herself he'll be back.And he did come back, with apologies to spare, he hooked her. One fine afternoon they were to meet to 'talk' about where and who and what they were. Only he didn't keep his end of the bargain. Sitting alone in public, she had had enough. Using the world wide web, she was able to find his very public information and decided to end this charade once and for all, afterall she was falling for him. She arrived at his dwelling, and knocked...
That's when SHE answered, the ring big enough to see from a mile away. "Can I help you?" My friends mind flooded with scenarios, if she'd had a pot of grits I bet that would've been the one she went with. But being the professional she is, she kept her cool and told her she was there to see her friend. Intuition kicked in and the two had a question and answer session fit for a game show, all the while this Jester stood watching his work, pleased at the women both there on his accord. She left the situation wiser, and cautious enough to scare the next man to pieces.
So the question is could this have been avoided? There are a few signs that every woman shouldn't ignore.
1) Ask Even if he lies, your conscious is clear. A word of warning if a man really wants to get at you he will gladly lie, but you've done your duty. This question should actually be asked pretty quickly, probably right after you learn his name. Don't just look for a ring, a ring can easily be taken off.
2) Be in the house If you haven't seen his dwelling, more than likely he's hiding something. If you're really dating, feeling eachother, you're his girl etc, within a month you should see his place of living. A man with a wife and kids isn't going to take you to his place, you're his little secret. If you've been dating for a while and you've never seen his personal space, somethings going on.
3) He should be a showoff If you haven't met his friends and family... hmmmm. This is a big sign, if you're his girl and his only girl, he will proudly let you meet the people closest to him. Because you're close to him so it only makes sense. You can meet his male friends and still be the other woman, make sure you meet a female in his life.
4) A sleepover isn't a commitment Some wives are amazing. A man can date you, spend the night and still go home and keep his legs. Just because he's spending the midnight hours cuddled with you, doesn't mean he doesn't have a family. And if he NEVER spends the night with you, well that's an easy sign. Just keep your intuition open for this one, you can tell yourself the answer 9 out of 10 times.
Women have an amazing sense of intuition, we guess whats going on in a relationship early on, and usually we ignore it. That's why you often hear women saying 'I knew this was going on' We fall for a man and deny that he could do us dirt, and if we find out we are the other woman, we wonder why the wife didn't have him on a leash. He's an independent thinking person and being with you while having a family was HIS choice. You keep your intuition in check and set your position in his life early on. And if it isn't going anywhere that's okay, your Prince Charming is out there somewhere.
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